Christmas Stars...or, Girlfriends

Last night I was reminded of something I've been meaning to post for awhile.  It's made the rounds online several times, always without credit, so you may have read it already and I can't tell you where.

I have a group of friends that has been together for seventeen years.  I know that because we met when my daughter was a newborn.  We have seen each other through great joys and sad losses as women, brilliant triumphs and staggering defeats as mothers, long nights and early mornings as humans adrift in a world that.often makes little sense.

We get together on Saturday mornings and on holidays.  Christmas has been a tradition at our house for fifteen of those years, but I'm feeling pulled in various directions this year due to my stepmother's illness. Where to go and what to do?  I've missed several of our Saturdays, but the word came back yesterday that everyone had agreed that they want to do Christmas here but are fine with an emergency back up plan in case my family has to go out of town.  Of course, the back up plan could be our house without us in it -- whatever.

You need the kind of friends who will open their homes to a couple of dozen people without warning, and who will see anything that appears on the table as a feast.  You need the kind of friends who know absolutely that the important thing is to be together, whatever the surroundings and despite the events. 

And in this era, you can be together in other ways, too.  I have another group of fast friends, a group that decided many years ago to form  a bookclub out of a larger online group.  I don't even know how long we've been together (one of them is probably about to tell me), and I'm not entirely clear on who has actually met whom in real life.  But we have shared stories and pictures and successes and diasters for a long time now, and now we all need each other, too.

There are a lot of things in my life that are light-years from perfect.  My friendships with other women are one of the most astounding gifts I have experienced.  So Merry Christmas and Happy Chanukkah to them all:

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I sat on the porch that long ago summer day, drinking iced tea and visiting with my Mother.

"Don't forget your girlfriends," Mother advised, clinking the ice cubes in her glass. "No matter how much you love your husband, you are still going to need girlfriends. Remember to go places with them now and then; do things with them. And remember that girlfriends are not only friends, but sisters, daughters and other relatives too."

What a funny piece of advice, I thought. Hadn't I just gotten married? Hadn't I just joined the couple-world? I was now a married woman, for goodness sake, not a young girl who needed girlfriends. But I listened to my Mom. I kept contact with my girlfriends and made more each year. As the years tumbled by, one after another, gradually I came to understand that Mom really knew what she was talking about.

Here is what I know about Girlfriends:

Girlfriends bring casseroles and scrub your bathroom when you need help.

Girlfriends keep your children and keep your secrets.

Girlfriends give advice when you ask for it. Sometimes you take it, sometimes you don't.

Girlfriends don't always tell you that you're right, but they're usually honest.

Girlfriends still love you, even when they don't agree with your choices.

Girlfriends might send you a birthday card, but they might not. It does not matter in the least.

Girlfriends laugh with you, and you don't need canned jokes to start the laughter.

Girlfriends pull you out of jams.

Girlfriends don't keep a calendar that lets them now who hosted the other last big party.Girlfriends will give a party for your son or daughter when they get married or have a baby, in whichever order that comes.

Girlfriends are there for you, in an instant and when the hard times come.

Girlfriends listen when you lose a job.

Girlfriends listen when your husband strays.

Girlfriends listen when your children break your heart.

Girlfriends listen when your parents' minds and bodies fail.

Girlfriends cry with you when someone you love dies.

My daughters, sisters, family, and friends bless my life.

When we began this adventure we had no idea of the incredible joys or sorrows that lay ahead. Nor did we know how much we would need each other.