I tend to be rather impulsive in what I say and, perhaps, not as cognizant of the feelings of others as I should be. I am working on this, but then I've been working on it for a long time without much success.
Part of the problem is that my own skin is pretty thick, and I am endlessly curious about what people think, so I'm seldom bothered when others state candidly what's on their minds. The major exception, I think, would be when someone says something deliberately hurtful or demeaning.
And therein lies the rub. What to one person is merely a running commentary on the events of her life as she perceives them, flavored with frequent assessments, critiques, comparisons, and, yes, indeed, judgments -- seldom meant to apply to anyone but the speaker herself -- can become transformed in the mind of a listener to a harshly disparaging rebuke or condemnation.
Which is all merely to say that I said something today which could probably be characterized as somewhat undiplomatic and, although the only critique intended was of one of my own children, was heard by someone else as disapproval directed her way. And did she ever snap back! Phew!
Either I am not as thick-skinned as I think, or I just need to acknowledge that another person's insecurities can cause her to lash out when she imagines that she is under attack.
Or I just need to shut up.
Thank God that Spring is trying to get here. I need to be outside a lot more. And, by the way, I walked 3 miles each yesterday and today. Forgot to take the dog today, though -- oops.
8 comments:
Whoa. I don't know what happened but it sure sounds disturbing. I hope you are ok. Pamela
Hmmmmmmmmm . . . .
Congrats on the walking - sounds delightful.
As to the comment you made - I am tempted to say about that person, "If the cap fits..." But really, if she/he took it as directed at her/him, then it is all down to that individual. Yes, we all have to be tactful, but it sounds to me like that person has significant insecurity that was aroused by a perfectly innocent remark. Having said that, Robin, I know how you must feel, and I would feel upset as well, particularly if the snap came out of left field. Hope the hurt goes away, and that you are not being hard on yourself. All of us who read your journal know what a special and giving person you are.
Vicky
http://www.livejournal.com/users/vxv789/
Because people filter everything they hear through their own experiences, emotions, preconceived ideas, and perceptions it is so easy for people misunderstand other's intent completely. I'm always amazed when people completely misunderstand what I have said or when they personalize something that was meant as a general statement. Other than never talking or expressing an opinion, I have no idea what the solution to those situations might be. On quite a number of occassions I have learned that because I tend to quiet and a bit shy people often perceive me as "stuck up" or unfriendly or think I don't like them. Once they get to know me and tell me what their first impressions were I'm always amazed at how inaccurate they are!
I, unfortunately, am the worst of both worlds. I have that talent of saying things without thinking how they might be interpreted by someone else, PLUS I am very thin-skinnned and tend to be on of those people that personalizes general criticisms made within my airspace. I should probably just give it up now and go live in a cave... Lisa :-]
I'm very thin-skinned and I tend to open my mouth without thinking also and boy, by the end of day, do I regret it.
I hope you're alright.
Tami
I have the same problem. I haven't had much success working on it either. I hope that the rift with your friend can be mended.
Specifics, please! What did you actually say, what did you intend, and how was it taken?
I, too, do that all the time (speaking without fully realizing the potential impact on others). Recently I was accused of being a racist - that's not the exact word that was used, but that was the implication. I don't think that I am, but I do realize that a comment I made could have been misconstrued, so I'm trying to be more careful and sensitive in that regard.
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