My friend Pamela wrote a quizzical entry yesterday, wondering about proper J-land etiquette with regard to comments. When do we comment? Do we hafta? What's the proper response to someone who leaves a comment in your journal? Well, you can read her entry for yourself.
I've been thinking about this myself, as I suppose we all do. Here, for what they're worth, are my thoughts, in abbreviated version (for which you will no doubt be thankful):
1. Although I started this journal for myself, I quickly realized that I love getting comments. Suddenly I began to wonder how my favorite newspaper columnists manage without the instant gratification provided by the internet -- although my guess is that most of their readers who have something to say call or email almost immediately, so all that they are missing is the public forum nature of online comments. Anyway, I've found that it's very satisfying to get responses.
2. There is a certain competitive aspect to the whole comment-thing. Let's admit it -- most of us are probably very aware that some journalers are getting 20-30 and more comments a day, while many of us plod along with 0-10. I know that I'm disappointed when friends email me personally rather than adding a comment (and you know who you are) -- I want to say Hey! World! Someone else read my entry and you just don't know it!
3. I do try to comment in the journals I read, and I always visit people who've visited me. Sometimes, though, I just don't have much to say. And I feel a tad New Agey writing something like, "Wow, I really appreciate what you've shared." Especially if I don't appreciate it at all.
4. I've notcied that J-land is, on the whole, a supportive and encouraging place. All these fragile writers' egos, I suppose -- we are very gentle with one another. It's a long way from the TWONTW ("To Work Or Not To Work") message boards of the old Moms Online, where the representative tone went more like this:
One View: So women who don't work are complete morons who pretend to find intellectual stimulation in the baby poop smeared on the car seat and actually fantasize that they are making contributions to society by stuffing PTA envelopes, when in reality they have tossed their valuable educations out the window and have about as much to offer as a toad sitting under a rock.
Opposing view, posted within seconds of the above: Women who "don't work" actually work far harder and many more hours for no pay than the selfish corporate fast trackers who abandon their children to institutional day care 27 hours a day and delude themselves into thinking that their paycheck makes any kind of contribution to the well-being and future security of their children, when in fact they are missing out on the best experience that life has to offer (that poop on the car seat thingy).
First poster: You b---h.
Second poster: B---h yourself.
Yes, indeedy, J-land is a major improvement over exchanges such as those.
5. But the overwhelming generosity of tone here, which is a GOOD thing, does make it harder to develop a discussion, much less an actual debate. There are journals I read that reflect lives far different from my own. I really enjoy the different stories and perspectives -- but I hesitate to comment, because I don't want to come off like I'm dissing someone for making choices different from my own.
6. I also find a certain sense of proprietorship in J-land. Very frequently I find that I would like to link to someone else's entry and continue the discussion, as I've done here, but there isn't a lot of that going on. I just finished a book (The Life You Save May Be Your Own by Paul Elie -- more on that later) about four major authors who do, from time to time, make contact with one another, or comment on each other's work, either directly or in letters to third parties. Those interactions are so appealing to me -- I would love to see that kind of discussion happen here. As long as the subject isn't my typos.
So, for what it's worth: there I am, all alone up there typing away on my computer. If anyone ever wants to comment or continue a discussion elsewhere, please: go forth and do so! Just keep me linked, so I can participate in the fun.
Walked: 1 mile.
Walked so far this month: 8 miles.
11 comments:
Well - I'll certainly comment today. Since the advent of the alert system, I comment much less frequently. I know, I take the quick way and just read off the alert message. I can't tell you how many alerts I've saved, planning to go back and comment "when I have more time". At least it's well intentioned. I know what you mean though...I love the comments too. I promise...I'll try and do better.
I guess I need to figure out how to link to other journals. I still haven't figured out how to do the "big picture" thing. I don't know why I have such a hard time with the computer issues when it comes to J-Land, but it seems they make it very complicated. (or maybe I'm just an idiot). I follow my kids Xanga's and they are really cool and easy to use. You can have so many different backgrounds and put music on them etc. But that is sort of off topic, from what I wanted to say. But for me, I think its cool cuz my journal is a place to express myself and I like to make things pretty and cool. I'm not a writer and I don't care about correct spelling or grammar.
I'm a strange bird, I know... it honestly doesn't bother me to see there are no comments in my journal. I am more offended when people have not aknowledged my comments in theirs. I don't mean EVERY time of course, and then its nice if they email you and ask you if you have a journal and they visit it. I do agree with your analysis about being afraid to post anything that would appear negative becuz some journals I read, I want to disagree with them.
Anyway, thanks for your thoughts Robin. I always love reading your journal, especially the stuff about your family. It is fascinating to me, to see what the lives of others are like. The little things that are put down in a beautiful way and I think you do that wonderfully :-)
Love, love the spoof of TWONTW board. Message boards can be contentious and tone is so difficult. I have become a better writer in trying to ensure that I use words that convey my tone and make my intent clear.
I have a few journals I read daily. I think I take the term "journal" sort of literally, in that a journal is written for one's own use, generally speaking, not for public consumption, despite the new world of blogs. Maybe that is the difference? These are journals, others are blogs? I rarely comment on a journal entry. I never expect an answer, though I sometimes get one and that is fine. I already spend so much time online that it is frightening to me to think there are more places and people online that I could be writing to/about/for. And while I sometimes miss the dialogues of the old "boards", the world right now is all so caught up in drawing lines in the sand, I'm good/you're bad arguments that I really hesitate to get involved in any give and take unless I have a strong respect and familiarity with my fellow arguee. I am interested in well-thought-out opinions formed after looking at facts from all sides, not mindless spouting of sound-bites-as-fact. Can you tell I'm tired of election rhetoric?
There are a few journals that I read daily (yours is one). I don't always leave comments but I am a faithful reader.
This is interesting. I have wondered about the etiquette, too. When someone comments on my journal, I respond in another posted comment in my journal, not in an individual e-mail. But I wonder if that person ever sees my response? Also, very few people know about my journal (in fact, only our LIP group does, Robin). Like you, at first I thought I was writing for myself, but I do like to get responses. So how do others find out about my journal? Or any journal, for that matter?
I don't know that any particular etiquette needs to exist in this rather free form land of journals. I'd guess each "journaler" has to develop their own etiquette according to time and interest and personal inclination. I have a number of journals that I read daily and comment on if I feel I have anything to say. Sometimes an entry is wonderful but other than saying "great entry" I can't think of what else to write.
This entry really interests me. I comment on maybe five out of twenty that I read, or skim over. I have been doing this for over a year and the journals that I read have evolved along with those who read and comment in mine. I never go back and look for a comment regarding my comment. Sometimes I read the comments on the journals, but for the most part I do not. When I look at my counter (I am addicted to it, I wish I had the nerve to turn it off) I receive a lot less comments than reflected by the number of times I am hit. What does that mean? Oh well.......I'd love to be a part of your discussion group. That would be so much fun! Like send an email, add to it and sent it back sort of thing?
Mary
I would have to say that my sense of "journal commenting etiquette" mirrors your own. I usually comment on the journals I read (although not always, especially if I am busy), and I usually visit the journals of people who comment in mine at least once, just to see if I'd like to return. If I like what I read, I sign up for an "alert". There I've noticed that a sort of online relationship/friendship starts to develop, as someone reads about your personal life and you read about theirs. I used to feel pretty competitive about the comments, but I'm less so now because I feel that I probably couldn't keep up with many more journals than I already do. In fact, I recently dropped a few journals from my alerts. Why? Because the authors hadn't been commenting on MY journal. LOL
I used to comment on EVERY entry I read. I've been doing this for over a year, now, and I find I just don't have that much to say anymore! Now, I don't comment unless I really have something worthwhile to add. Can't imagine the "Thanks for sharing" thing. I started being a slave to the comments in my own journal. I think I'm over THAT hump now, too. I think. Lisa :-]
I don't have any journals on alerts--I like to read several entries at once in any given journal. It gives me a better feel for what is going on in their life. I am a pretty prolific writer--sometimes ten entries in a day--so I know most people don't read everything (or much ) of what I say. Still, I love to get comments. :-)
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