Everything pales in comparison to the news out of Louisiana and Mississippi. A man who lost his grasp on his wife's hand as the waters rose. Families crouched on what few square feet of roof they retain above the water as helicopters try to rescue them. Dogs entangled and electrocuted in downed wires. Reporters breaking down in tears and frustration.
I write that not because you don't know all about it, too, but because I want to clarify that I know that I can be as shallow and self-centered as the next person. Here, in no particular order, is what's on my mind today:
*** A conversation last night one of my very best friends, a true soul companion for the last two decades, who said, as I reported on NOLA, "Well, I guess everything happens for a reason."
"NO, IT DOESN'T!" I sputtered. "Everything is chaos."
I've been thinking about that conversation all day. I don't believe that everything happens for a reason, or that "God is in control," or anything remotely similar. I've been really depressed to realize what different wavelengths my friend and I are on.
*** My daughter's loss of probably almost her entire wardrobe to the hurricane, since she left most of her earthly possessions in a dorm at Tulane. My daughter's sizes range from 0 to 3; every pair of pants she owns is a hard-won treasure. It could take two years to provide her with four pairs of pants.
*** Something that happened at work yesterday. It made me so unhappy that I considered quitting on the spot. It was a little thing, but it was an integrity thing to me. And my mentioning it has resulted in some Important People distancing themselves from me.
*** AAAAAUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHH. A year's work -- that's what the college admission process is. And where is my child? Not at college, that's for sure.
*** Parents who cannot utter a single sentence on any topic without mentioning their child's honors status and scholarship level.
*** Grief. I have just felt awash in it recently. My brother and I were talking about our dad the other night, utterly devastated by the recent cancer diagnosis of the wife of a friend of 50 years' standing. We talked about his loss of three wives and a son, wondering how much one person is supposed to endure.
Some days I just feel so utterly out of it, like there is no one in the world who sees things as I do. There is a lot of darkness out there.
It's hard to believe that only two weeks ago our biggest concern was making it to the right destination on time for the best PEI sunset.
25 comments:
This doesn't make you shallow at all...we all have our own "hurricanes". ;) C. http://journals.aol.com/gdireneoe/thedailies
The reason people say, "everything happens for a reason," is because it gives them licence to NOT THINK ABOUT bad things. It's a huge cop out. The truth is, shit happens. You deal. Or you hide. Your friend hides.
-Paul
http://journals.aol.ca/plittle/AuroraWalkingVacation/
Sending hugs and prayers your way and for all those who are so utterly devastated by Katrina.
It is truly disastrous.
Things happen. There is no reason for it to happen. What is wonderful will be the outpuring of compassion and help. It won't make it easier to bear but may make it easier to live with.
Jackie
Knowing we will survive it all somehow doesn't make it any easier. Sometimes the only appropriate response to life is to grieve.
And when the chaos lifts, we go on. It has always been like this forever.
Peace,
Neil
Thank you for your comment... in my journal... I am so exhausted... but will sleep tonight, unlike last night. I dont know where to begin again, but ..... in responce to "Things Happen For A Reason..." I would just like to say, yes things happen, life happnes... and we can not change that... we can only move forward but those things that happen are not caused for a reason. They just happen.
:) ~Thanks for the well wishes...
K
http://journals.aol.com/shewolfdancing/LifeofAWolf
This too shall pass. Before it does, though, try not to put someone's lights out. I know when I'm frustrated, the thought of taking up boxing doesn't sound too bad. I hope and pray things will get better for you. Good luck.
Jude
http://journals.aol.com/JMoranCoyle/MyWay
Shallow and self-centered? Hardly. These are all pieces of your life. If that makes you self-centered, then we all are. And thank goodness for self-centeredness such as yours. Life can be tough at all its levels. How sad and frustrating that sometimes the toughness coalesces across all of them.
Hang in. You are a good, fine person. Sometimes the good times coalesce as well. And allow me to quote my favorite line from Ram Dass as he responded to someone who was saying he couldn't bear to be in his situation any longer. "We'll wait." Because we have to bear it. And we do. And become the better for it - mostly.
Thinking of you,
Vicky
http://www.livejournal.com/users/vxv789/
What a difference a day makes? I guess that saying can go both ways. Hopefully tomorrow will bring much better things. {{{{}}}}
I have always hated that sanctimonious bromide, "Things happen for a reason." It's the equivalent of the old "God works in mysterious ways." I reserve the right to dope-slap any moron who says that to me.
It's been a rough time for you, and your daughter. You have every reason to feel the way you do. I can't even watch the TV news any more. I can't fathom the devastation in New Orleans and Mississippi. It's too big to comprehend. The last time I felt this way was on 9-11.
Lisa
http://journals.aol.com/lici/AWritersAngst
I don't have any great words of comfort.
You would think with so many words in the English language I could find at least enough to put together a sentence. This is beyond words...
TJ~
http://journals.aol.com/paisleyskys/PaisleySkys
http://journals.aol.com/vaultofsecrets/MoonDancer
Sorry about the situation your daughter is in. I hope that a new path opens up for her.
Peace, Virginia
{{{Robin}}} Your own concerns are valid, even as you compare them to the horror of someone losing a family member. If we had to measure our own problems against the world's problems in order to determine if they are worthy of emotion, then I guess we'd all be walking around numb.
Gosh, I had no idea that your daughter's possessions were all damaged in the hurricane. That is such a major bummer. As the mother of another size 2 daughter who is almost 5 foot 9, I totally empathize. Do you have The Buckle where you are? That's where my daughter gets most of her jeans that actually fit. The "Silver" brand, I believe. Expensive, but as you know, there isn't a lot of competition in that size range!
Is God in control? I'll just never bring myself to believe that. Because if he IS in control, he's either incompetent or a monster, and that's just not something I can handle. I had a lot of very similar thoughts after 9/11. Lots of people went to church after 9/11; but my inclination was to stay away because I just couldn't see God having a hand in anything like that.
God Is in control. But the devil still does things as well. God WILL work this tragedy into good for His glory. That area will see such a revival. It's going to be amazing.
On Diane Rehm yesterday, another woman from Virginia, who's dd was an incoming frosh at Tulane called in. She was horrified by the devastation.
I agree that everything is chaos. God did not decide that a Cat 5 needed to hit the Gulf Coast - sh** happens!
Obviously we have very different belief systems.
I so agree with everything you've written here. I've been watching CNN, horrified, and yes, it seems to me that everything is chaos right now. I can't begin to imagine what you're feeling, and I won't pretend that I can, but please know that you're in my thoughts...and although I agree there's a LOT of darkness out there, there are many of us who are infuriated by the thoughtless statements that people make at times like this...
Judi
You're right, there is way too much darkness out there. I'm so glad your daughter is safe. I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better, but I'm at a loss for words, but know you are not alone. ((hugs)) ~ Lori
You have my deepest prayers and concern for your despair. I wish I could say something but anything would be beyond platitudes so just know you are valued.
xxooxxoo
I will keep it simple. Prayers are going out and I hope in some way they comfort you.
d
I'm sorry for all you've had to go through Robin. I'm sure you're grieving the loss of your stepmother and this is just another struggle to get through on top of that. The integrity thing at work would likely have been my undoing at this point.
I just hate this for you (especially the comment that everything happens for a reason).
Judith
(((((Robin))))) Go back to your vacation in your mind, when you find yourself giving in to despair. Maybe that ONE thing happened for a reason...that you had that time of rest and refreshment to recharge your batteries, and the memories to go back to when you need them. Lisa :-]
{{{ Hugs & Prayers }}}
V
Post a Comment